How to Communicate with People Who Have Memory Loss
If you have a loved one or friend who has recently suffered from a condition that has caused them to loose memory, you’ve probably noticed that communicating with them is a bit more challenging.
Remember, just because people have suffered from memory loss doesn’t mean they don’t remember how they feel about you or how it feels to be treated unfavorably.
They are still people, even if they are a little different than how YOU remember them.
Here are some tips on how to communicate with memory impaired people.
1. Be Supportive
Even though it may be hard and often frustrating to communicate with someone who is suffering from memory loss, imagine how frustrating it is for them? Do your best to take an empathetic and supportive frame of mind into your interaction that had been impaired.
Avoid Talking About the Person in Front of Them
Just because a person has memory problems doesn’t necessarily mean their other cognitive or social skills are also impaired. Many people with memory loss may be aware you are talking about them and of course would not appreciate you talking about their problems as if they were not there.
Consider taking those conversations to a private location. Or in some instances if it is appropriate to discuss the problem with others, ask the person’s permission: “Is it ok to talk about your loss of appetite with Mary here? We are concerned about your weight loss.”
Correct Indirectly Rather Than Confronting
No one likes to be told repeatedly that they are wrong about something. Try to use related or tangential responses to give correct information.
For example, rather than saying “No, Mom, this is not September, it’s July,” you could say something like “Whew, this is the hottest month of July we’ve had for a long time.”
Avoid Quizzing
If someone feels like they are being tested, they may tend withdraw or feel apprehensive.
For example, if a person is in a new living situation and is having trouble remembering the name of the facility, avoid asking them if they know where they are.
Rather, say something like, “How do you like it here at Heritage Park? I wonder how they came up with that name? Heritage Park. Hmmm. I bet there is something historical behind it.”
2. Simplify
It may seem simple to you, but people who are suffering from memory loss are missing some of the building blocks needed to comprehend complexity. Best to start with simple concepts and work your way up.
Use Simple Language and Short Sentences
Individuals with memory impairment often have delayed processing and less capacity for storage of information, so less complex information is easier to understand and retain.
This is sometimes compared to being in a foreign country and not knowing the language very well. Simple vocabulary and shorter sentences are easier to process and recall. However, avoid talking to the person as if they were a child.
Present Only One Idea at a Time
Many choices and topics can be confusing and anxiety producing for an individual with memory loss or other cognitive impairments.
So, rather than saying something like, “We’ll have Thanksgiving dinner at my house, then go to Uncle Joe’s for dessert and games. Bob and Sue will be there from Colorado with the new baby. Oh, and Carly got a new dog that I hope she won’t bring,” it might be better to say, “We’re going to have Thanksgiving at my house this year.”
Use Gestures to Give Additional Information
Simple pointing to objects or locations you are discussing can provide redundancy and can increase understanding. However this should be done only if it seems natural in the conversation and is not demeaning.
Reduce Distractions
TV, noise or too many speakers can be distracting and make it hard for impaired people to communicate.
Move your conversation to a quiet place and turn off the TV. One-to-one conversations may be better for cognitive and memory impaired individuals.
Attention, concentration and therefore memory are often impaired in larger groups of people. Withdrawal with reduced verbal interaction can also occur.
3. Reassure
If memory fails, reassure that it’s alright and we’ll come back to it. Say something like, “Hey, we all forget. Let’s talk about it later.”
Use a soft, friendly voice. But again, be careful that you are not condescending. Preserving dignity is incredibly important in these situations.
A gentle touch can also be very calming.
4. Listen
Memory impaired or not, people appreciate when they feel they are being heard and understood.
Avoid Interrupting or Arguing
How many times have you been interrupted and lost your train of thought, unable to recall what you were talking about?
This can be especially disruptive to a person with memory impairment. However, it can also be helpful to remind him or her of the topic if they do lose their train of thought. In those cases, you might say something like: “You were talking about ______.”
Maintain Eye Contact
Good eye contact shows that you are tuned in to the individual and care about your communication with them. It also encourages them to keep trying to relate to you.
Tune Into Main Ideas or Feelings Rather Than Details
Sometimes responses can be vague, verbally excessive or not make a lot of sense.
Listen to the intonation, emotion and basic vocabulary of the communication to get the basic message. “Sounds like you are mad a Grandpa for something he did.” Or, “Wow, that made you really happy.”
If you really can’t get it, consider a response like, “I’m sorry, I’m just not getting what you mean. Can we talk about it a little later? I’d love to show you my latest pictures of the baby.”
Allow Time for Processing and Responding
Individuals with memory impairment often have other cognitive impairment such as reduced concentration and attention, delayed processing of information and word retrieval problems. They may need extra time to understand even simple information and then to respond.
5. Focus on the Familiar
Talking about familiar topics such as hobbies, family, and friends can help stimulate positive memories.
Talk About Familiar Topics
Phone photos visually link names with faces and also can provide reminders for recent activities. Magazines or news articles relating to interests can provide topics for conversation. Eg: Sport Illustrated, Good Housekeeping, pertinent news articles or coffee table books of interest.
Utilize Old Photos and Scrapbooks
Visual and tactile memoirs like this can stimulate long term memory, conversation and word retrieval. However, avoid questioning for details.
Rather, use open ended questions such as, “Tell me about this.” or “That looks like it was a lot of fun. What can you tell me about it?”
Establish a Daily Consistent Routine
Repetition is a key component to establishing and enhancing memory. A daily routine reinforces recall of daily activities. Change is anxiety producing for some individuals so routine can be comforting.
6. Repeat
Repetition or simple re-wording of phrases and ideas can be a powerful stimulation technique for those suffering from memory loss. However, this should be done in a natural, normal conversational way and not in a condescending manner. Remember, although a person has memory impairment, they may still be aware of condescension.
Rephrase and Repeat Important Information
Throughout your conversation, try something like this:
“Sue and Bob, he’s your eldest , right? Well, I heard they had a new baby. Wow, I don’t envy Bob having a new baby at his age. And his wife, Sue, she’s no spring chicken, either. Good luck to Bob and Sue and the new baby!” Or if this seems excessively verbal, something like, “I heard Sue and Bob had a new baby. Wow a new baby might be challenging for Sue and Bob at their ages.”
Also share any pictures you have or ask if they have any pictures.
Offer Your Name Rather Than Asking if They Remember
Instead of saying, “Hi, Jane, do you remember me?” try “Hi, Jane. It’s Mary. I still live next door to your old house. What good times we had back in the day.”
7. Compensate
There are many tools at your disposal to help compensate for the loss of memory, especially with modern technology & mobile applications.
Review Calender and Schedule Daily
Check upcoming events and review recent events from the past as well, if they should be remembered. An annotated calendar contains more details than most people normally enter.
For example, one might want to remember the name of a restaurant they enjoyed and who accompanied them. Or perhaps the name of the movie they watched or a book they read. However, don’t clutter the calendar with unnecessary information.
Use a Memory Notebook or Mobile App
Start with 3 basic sections:
- Reference material – names, numbers, medications, etc.
- Things to do, such as “Wish Mary a happy birthday.” “Call my daughter about my car.”
- Things to remember, such as “My son got a new job and will be moving to a new house.” Health information and questions for my doctor.
Get Creative with Reminder Tools
Use post-it notes, placed conspicuously or alarm reminders on a cell phone. For example “Don’t let the dog out.” Or “Check to see if the stove is off.”
8. Stimulate
Stimulating the brain to create new memories and connect events from the past with what is happening now can help to activate cognitive rehabilitation.
Talk About Current Events
Events in the news, TV shows, family happenings; These are all great things to talk about that encourage expression of related memories and opinions.
Use Physical Reminders
Magazines, menus, mail, newspapers and other media materials can provide opportunities for conversation and reminiscing.
Social Themes to Stimulate Memory
Social themes can provide stimulation of memory, cognitive skills, and language. Social themes are recurring or past topics of common interest in society and provide an excellent source for stimulating cognition and communication.
Because the material contained in social themes is familiar and personally relevant it has strong associations in an individual’s brain and facilitates processing and retrieval. Controversial topics stimulate reasoning, judgment, mental flexibility and pragmatic skills.
Examples of social themes:
- Major and minor holidays
- Historical and current events
- Changing seasons
- Political and patriotic issues – past and present
- Entertainment – music, movies, TV, etc
- Sports
- Life events – weddings, birthdays, retirement, jobs, etc
- Famous people
- Domestic topics – food, gardening, shopping, animals, money
Media materials can provide material for enhancing cognitive and language skills using these themes.
Author: Barbara Van Dyne
Barbara Van Dyne, M.A., speech-language pathologist has worked for decades in a variety of rehabilitation settings, including inpatient and outpatient rehabilitation, home health, private practice and skilled nursing facilities. She holds a Master's Degree from The University of Kansas in Speech and Language Pathology. She is the author of Memory Chit Chat, a clinical manual with exercises that leverage social themes for therapeutic purposes offers meaningful engagement, repetition, familiarity, personal relevance, and a connection to seasonal and cultural events She has taught memory improvement classes and served on the advisory board of the Stroke Support Group of Northern California. Prior to her retirement she was certified by the American Speech and Hearing Association and licensed as a speech pathologist in the state of California.
Barbara Van Dyne, M.A., speech-language pathologist has worked for decades in a variety of rehabilitation settings, including inpatient and outpatient rehabilitation, home health, private practice and skilled nursing facilities.
She holds a Master's Degree from The University of Kansas in Speech and Language Pathology.
She is the author of Memory Chit Chat, a clinical manual with exercises that leverage social themes for therapeutic purposes offers meaningful engagement, repetition, familiarity, personal relevance, and a connection to seasonal and cultural events
She has taught memory improvement classes and served on the advisory board of the Stroke Support Group of Northern California. Prior to her retirement she was certified by the American Speech and Hearing Association and licensed as a speech pathologist in the state of California.
